So what was the day like???
Well it started with Ray yelling MOM at the top of his lungs about 7:30 am! But the rest of the day was alright with me.
I struggled with whether I should study, watch a movie, take a walk or decorate my tree. Of course the tree won. I let Ray help until he started to pull things off, then it was time for him to take a nap!
But her did have a great time!
I know it's Thanksgiving, but my tree HAD to go up. I'm too excited about decorating for Christmas and just needed to do it.
Next we went to Kenny's Grandmom house and what a wonderful cook she is! It was an interesting feeling for me. I mean, yes, it's nice being around family and all; everyone being excited and jolly, but I couldn't help but regress into my own internal world and wonder about our baby. (For some reason those thoughts just hit today...) Maybe it's the first seasonal holiday blues or just seeing everyone with their little one causes me to miss the idea of having that opportunity. Yes we have Ray, and he is a joy to have but reality does set in and I know he isn't our child. And to makes matters worse we don't know whether he is staying or leaving, so it takes me back to my place of uncertainty. During the course of the day I even started to cry, but I didn't. (Not that I'm so proud of myself because it seems like whenever I hold back tears they create a headache.) I just can't help but wonder about what would have been: Would we have had a boy or girl, how would this Thanksgiving had been different, would I have to look forward to going to work tomorrow, etc.
These past few months have just put me in a weird position. I don't know whether to be happy or sad sometimes. Or if I should try and clear my mind from what has happened to us and focus on what is happening with and around us right now...
It's funny how everyone seems to be moving right along in life, and I feel like I'm at a standstill. I'm watching everyone get on with their life and my mind keeps taking me back.
Life is interesting...
Anyway we had a great time and here are some awesome pictures I took:
Our beautiful family portrait. The color of the day was orange.
The younger folk...
The over 30 crowd... Still sexy!
The boys
Too cute!!!
And us. Pray for us on remembrance! (The way the picture came out makes my leg look that big. That is NOT my true size!!!)
1 comment:
Loss and grief are real. I found myself crying and missing my daddy this thanksgiving.
I also wonder what my life would be like with twins. Wow. Alayna is here, but I wonder what life would be had we delivered to term as well.
*hug*
Great pics.
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