Last night was extremely difficult for me. Ray literally cried for two and a half hours straight. Why? I don't know! We took him to the ER last week because he wasn't sleeping and found out he had an ear infection. He's taking his meds and was doing fine, but last night...
I found myself exteremly upset. Kenny was at work, so it was just me and the cry baby. My thoughts wandered back to his birth mother. Where the hell was she last night??? She's missing out on the sleepless nights but still having to get up and work the next day. She misses out on the pain of hearing a baby cry for two and a half hours and not know what to do. Why am I going through this? I am TIRED!
I'm not happy with the way things are going. It's really ok for someone to neglect their kid but come around to see them when they feel like it - per the courts. What has our world come to when society okays parental neglect? I don't have children so why am I going through so much with someone else's child? Day after day I am faced with the reality of the pain of this situation and honestly sometimes I am ok with the idea of him someday going to live with his birth parents. This is ridiculous!
My eyes are puffy this morning and yes, I'm tired!
2 comments:
Be encouraged. I know people tell you 2 how great a job you're doing but I know the reality is he's not yours, and you sometimes wish things were different. The thing I'll say is, talk/cry/beg/scream/and get
mad at God, because He can handle it. He hears you and although you may not see it right now, you will be rewarded on Earth as well as in Heaven. Be a testimony, the only Christ Rays mother AND father may see is you and Kenny so show them how mighty He is and bring that child up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Love her as if she was doing everything right. I know its hard and Im not in your shoes, but Im going through something where I have to see the Christ in someone that Im not happy with right now. I feel like this person let me down, I feel like this person put myself and my family in a predictament that he had total control over and now we're paying for it. But you know what? Through it all, Im going through with a submissive Spirit and giving God all the glory because I have NO IDEA whats going on or what the end is gonig to be the only thing I do know is that ALL THINGS WORK TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD and God doesn't lie.
Thank You! I appreciate that and i need it right now.
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