Mother's Day...
It started off "early"! I was at the Art Museum at 6:30am for the Susan G. Komen Race For The Cure. I volunteered by passing out giveways and had a great time. I also saw some people I haven't seen in a while and took home some great giveaways. It was a pretty cool event. I'll have to do it again next year.
The only thing that botherd me was everyone saying Happy Mother's Day. It just annoyed me this year.
You see, I feel my mothering is in a transition (after two years). With the idea of Ray leaving at any minute now, I feel like a fake mom, a temporary mom. So to say Happy Mother's Day to me actually does more damage. And it didn't help that he spent the day with his bio mom (I bet she felt like a mom today, ooooo!!!!)
After the walk, I stopped by my moms church. It was nice to hear Teresa sing 2 selections. I sure miss hearing her voice!
I then went home to take a nap, then it was off to the "happy" event of the day. Puppy class at PetSmart with Mikki. I know she's a dog, but she's like my little daughter. I did her hair, put on her outfit (her breast cancer awareness shirt of course) and made her smell good. Then off we went as I carried her in my dog purse. How cute!
Afterwards I visited my godmother, had dinner with her family and home I went to another fabolous dinner prepared by my husband. I tried my best to enjoy the meal with him and Ray, but my thoughts tend to get the best of me.
The day ended with me curled up, crying out to God. I just don't understand what God wants from me right now.
All I can say is, I've had better days...
4 comments:
Ty,
First Let me start off by telling you that You are enough!
So often we get all caught up in what we and others want from us or expect from us that we loose sight of the bigger picture.
You provided a safe, warm, loving and encouraging environment to Ray when he needed it the most. Yu opened your heart, your home, and your spirit and allowed him to feel love, grace and God. If that doesn't make you a mother what will?
Ty, remember that birthing a child does not necessarily make you a "mother" but compassion, guidance, patience, love and strength - all of which you obviously have- does.
Trust and believe that God has so much more in store for your life. You will have all of your questions/ dreams/desires/wants fulfilled so long as you continue to look for them in God.
You ARE Blessed!
-Trish
What does God want from you? God wants us to realize that if He doesn't do another thing for us He's already done enough. He wants us to learn how to rest in Him and Him alone. Children are a gift from God, they're given to us on loan. God is all about Him and nothing about us. These test and trials come to make you strong. If we never go through anything how can we help anyone else? He loves us and that's the only reason we go through things, to prove OUR love for Him. God wants us to trust Him. We say we believe, we say we love Him, we know all the church lingo but do we trust Him?? Read Heb. 12:4-11 (preferably The Message version, a little more detailed)
My Dear,my dear!
GOD wants you to accomplish the task at hand. The task/job/duty (whatever you want to call it!) was to nuture and protect HIS child. You stepped in where someone without your maturity could not handle the responsibilty of this gift. While the "bio mom" was the vessel that brought little Ray into the world--you, MOTHER, gave this little life a foundation! You and Kenny both kept him from feeling lonely, unloved and abondoned. You two have begun to teach him self worth! I know he's only two, but children are fast learners!
And just think--Ray may be paving the way for something great. Who knows the abundance you will receive when you and your husband are blessed with biological children? Might Ray protect you and your family from harm years down the road? The possibilities are endless...
Lastly, who knows when Ray may need you again? He may need someone to confide in, someone to lean on for strength, someone to wipe away his tears, or someone to be in his corner when no one else will...Sweetheart, you talk like this is the end--it is just the beginning.
And I say all of this with LOVE...
Thank You all for youe words. God has really put my back to the wall and all i can do is learn to trust Him even more than i thought i have. It's hard and uncomfortable but i know God will get the glory - the process just sucks!
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