The next phase

As a couple, we have come a long way. God has placed us in positions we would not have desired for ourselves yet they drew us closer to Him. He has caused immense growth for the both of us personally, spiritually and as a young married couple that has has to mature pretty quickly.

We have raised our godson for 2 years and it was  the most amazing time of my life. During that time I realized that being a mother was the single best job anyone could ever have. (And YES, I believe they are under paid and under appreciated!) I was the kind of mom that taught him Sign Language, read books, watched Spanish videos and make his baby food. All of it was fun for me. It seemed to be that much more fun coming our way when we fount out we were expecting out own child on January of 2008. I was excited and sick, only to loose that child to miscarriage in April 2008. Then to loose Ray in September of 2009. Those two losses still remain difficult to process to this very day but it’s easier than it was. So much easier that we decided to “try” again.

After much self evaluation, prayer, reading and speaking with Pastor Chris, God revealed to me what He wanted me to do. That was to revisit my first love of mothering. You see, I had convinced myself to not put myself at risk of that kind of hurt again, so I planned a life of “postponing”  children. I had figured out how I would be in school for probably the next 10 years, and somehow that would shield me from pregnancy. Man does God’s ways differ from man.

In being honest before the Lord, my husband and myself, I got off birth control. Of course it wasn’t easy. The devil attacked my mentally and just before I had a mental breakdown the Lord had me to go to Kenny’s grandmother house to receive prayer and words of wisdom. She read to me Deuteronomy 28:1-9

Now it shall come to pass, if you diligently obey the voice of the Lord your God, to observe carefully all His commandments which I command you today, that the Lord your God will set you high above all nations of the earth.

And all these blessings shall come upon you and overtake you, because you obey the voice of the Lord your God:

Blessed shall you be in the city and blessed shall you be in the country.
Blessed shall be the fruit of your body, the produce if your ground and the increase of your herds, the increase of your cattle and the offspring of your flocks.
Blessed shall be your basket and kneading bowl
Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out.
The Lord will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before your face; they shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways.
The Lord will command the blessing on you in your storehouses and in all to which you set your hand, and He will bless you in the land which the Lord your God is giving you.
the Lord will establish you as a holy people to Himself, just as He has sworn to you, if you keep the commandments of the Lord your God and walk in His ways.

That was such a blessing and I actually keep reading down to verse 14. That verse blessed me so much that it gave me a sense of calming peace and I went to my IUD removal appointment without worries. Before leaving the doctor told me I could be pregnant within the next 2 weeks and the journey began there.

Yes, I still had some nervousness and uneasiness regarding a safe and lasting pregnancy but whenever fear creeps up  I place it on the altar, and trust me this is done countless times throughout the day. I look forward to doing this less someday.

I am glad to report…

I took a test August 30th and the line was faint. I took another 2 days later and it was pretty bright! I did not overreact I just said "okay Lord. I did not get these cupcakes, but purchased something similar as a way of surprising Kenny because he was leaving that weekend for a men’s retreat with the church. Instead I purchased these for him:

And put them in his car (overnight) so he would see them when he left Friday morning. Sadly, the words melted a little but he got the jest of the meaning. He was and continues to be, extremely excited.

Of course I feel like I am walking on egg shells and every little feeling drives me to the worst thoughts. Last week, I was experiencing terrible cramping that only seemed to escalate. I ended up going to the ER for some “relief” when I was told the cramping could be due to a)an early miscarriage; b) an ectopic pregnancy; c) a urinary tract infection or d) normal uterine contractions. I never prayed to have a UTI in my life but that night I sure did. They took blood and told me to get another round of blood work in 2 days. They had to be sure my hCG (pregnancy hormone) levels were rising to rule out options a & b. My urine sample showed I did not have option C and option D seemed pretty unreal. I mean I was in can’t move pain and that shouldn’t be normal at 4 weeks!

Needless to say (after 2 days of worrying) my hormone levels were rising as they should and my cramping was probably due to explosive gas from eating all of the wrong foods!

So here I am today, 5 Weeks and 2 Days. I feel good and want it to stay that way. I have not told everyone (what am I doing posting it here right???) It’s not a secret. I’m just disclosing as I see fit. I’ve told some family, friends and coworkers. My appointment with The Birth Center is in 2 weeks and so far they have been great with reliving me of my mental stress.

Please keep us in your prayers and updates will be sure to come!