Today I didn't well on much. I just wanted to have a good time. I didn't want to think about anything. So we took a trip to AC. No! we didn’t gamble! Didn’t want to waste money! We just went for the enjoyment and plus I needed some pictures of Ray on the beach for this year. So here we are:
Reality set in once we got home. We prepared Ray for bed and had family prayer. We laid hands on Ray and literally cried out to God on behalf of his life. We asked God to watch over him, protect him, and allow his siblings and family to treat him with all fairness. We also asked God to help us get through this tough and ugly situation. Bottom line is, we trust God, we’re just unsure of what He’s doing. We sure will miss having Ray around.
Today’s verse is very simple: John 11:35; Jesus wept.
If Jesus can cry, so can we. Many people have tried to convince us to look on the bright side and see the positive and my most hated favorite; be happy, you won’t have to deal with a child anymore. Let me hear you say that when someone is taking your child from you. The one you have loved and cared for unconditionally. The one you had to take to the ER over and over a again and don’t forget leaving work early because the child gets sick at school…
If we haven’t learned anything else through this process, we’ve learned it’s okay to grieve and be hurt. Jesus was hurt and we are to.
Before we put Ray to bed for what may be the last time we sung “How Great is our God”, but a great song for right now is “I’ll Trust You” by James Fortune and FIYA. Here’s the words:
Even though I can’t see and I can’t feel your touch
I will trust you Lord how I love you so much
though my nights may seem long and I feel so alone
Lord my trust is in you I surrender to you
So many painful thoughts travel through my mind
and I wonder how I will make it through this time
But I trust you, Lord it’s not easy
Sometimes the pain in my life, makes you seem far away
But I’ll trust you, I need to know you’re here
Through the tears and the pain
Through the heartache and rain
I’ll trust you
Everything that I see tells me not to believe
But I’ll trust you Lord you have never failed me
My past still controls me will this hurt ever leave?
I can only trust you, no one loves like you do
So many painful thoughts travel through my mind
and I wonder how I will make it through this time
But I trust you, Lord it’s not easy
Sometimes the pain in my life, makes you seem far away
But I’ll trust you, I need to know you’re here
Through the tears and the pain
Through the heartache and rain
Through the tears and the pain
Through the heartache and rain
I can, I will, I must
Trust you
I, will, trust, you
I’ll trust you
I will
God will make a way
1 comment:
During this time in your life, you're grieving. And just like when someone is going through a time of grief, others may not always have or know the right things to say but at the same time, you know those same peole love you and your family deeply. Romans 12:15 says we're to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with tho se who weep. But Psalm 30:5 says joy comes in the morning. We may not have lost a child, but we certainly have grieved the lost of something we gave birth to (R.E.A.C.H.). And just like u said (regarding 2 corin. 1:4 we go through so we can help others) we had NO CLUE what God was doing. I felt unloved, I felt betrayed, and I felt like the church left us to fend for ourselves but God never left me. I had to take my eyes off of people and "look to the hills where my help comes from." He was and is still pruning and getting rid of some character traits in me that don't please Him. One thing I learned is that God is SOVEREIGN. All things work together for my good, even things I cannot see. God wants me to take my head knowledge and apply it to my heart. Not just talk a good talk but also walk the walk. He don't care how much Bible I know, He wants me to apply it, thus, He puts me in situations where I have NO CHOICE but to apply it; and He says "ok, you're on." During your 7 days of happiness, you probably experienced God like no other time before but He wants that all the time. Im not speaking like I got my stuff together Im just encouraged because I know the victory is already won, rather I do or not.
~Crystal
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